My attempt at stand-up comedy at the church chili cook-off. Sort of a “TIDBITS Live.”
TIDBITS FINALE
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Today’s Thought
“The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.” – Denis Waitley
Welcome to the 1140th issue of TIDBITS. This is also the final issue of the regular TIDBITS newsletter.
As I was up at 3:00 AM last week making sure that I had the mailer ready to go for its scheduled 6:00 AM launch, I realized that it was time to make some changes. Therefore:
- The TIDBITS Humor Facebook group, meant originally to supplement this mailing, now replaces it as the “official” TIDBITS.
- Those on the TIDBITS mailing list will now receive a smaller “Best of TIDBITS” email that will come out between one and three times a week and won’t hold to a regular schedule or format.
- The content of the email will no longer be replicated on my website, TrentPassey.com.
Begun in 1997, and published on and off over 22-1/2 years, the TIDBITS humor email has been a big part of my life. So while I’m sad to see it go, I’m thrilled that the online group has grown into a community of hundreds of members who share humor on a daily basis.
I encourage all of the readers of the newsletter or website to head over to Facebook and participate regularly with us there, and I hope you enjoy this double-sized final edition today.
Continue reading “TIDBITS FINALE”TIDBITS | Blondes on a Plane
While most puns make me feel numb, math puns make me feel number!
Today’s Thought
“If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that’s my reward.” – Victor Borge
“Look here Mike,” Susan said to her husband, “see how Mary’s husband takes her to a movie and dinner every week? Why can’t you do that?”
“Sure dear,” Mike replied, “anything you say. Could you check with her and see if she’s free next Friday?”
Continue reading “TIDBITS | Blondes on a Plane”TIDBITS | Fast Bike
I saw an ad for a burial plot and thought to myself, “This is the last thing I need!”
Today’s Thought
“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.” – Wayne Dyer
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”
Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”
The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way.
“Now, what was it she wanted?”
The clerk answered, “Snow.”
Continue reading “TIDBITS | Fast Bike”TIDBITS | Rules for a Successful Life
Well, to be Frank… I’d have to change my name!
Today’s Thought
“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” – Louisa May Alcott
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time until there’s a country song where the guy’s truck leaves him.
Continue reading “TIDBITS | Rules for a Successful Life”TIDBITS | Dying Wish
“I’ve written a new self-help book. It’s called How to Survive Falling Down a Staircase.”
“Really?”
“Yep, it’s a step-by-step guide.”
Today’s Thought
“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people — and they take themselves out of the slums.” – Ezra Taft Benson
I’m glad I learned about parallelograms in high school math instead of how to do my taxes.
It comes in so handy during parallelogram season.
Continue reading “TIDBITS | Dying Wish”TIDBITS | Detective Test
I can’t believe someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick!
Seriously, how low can you go?!?
Today’s Thought
“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” – Najwa Zebian
Wife: “There is a problem with the tractor. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: I’m telling you the tractor has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know where the carburetor is. Where’s the tractor?”
Wife: “In the pool.”
Continue reading “TIDBITS | Detective Test”TIDBITS | Up in Smoke
You haven’t tried blindfolded archery?
You don’t know what you’re missing!
Today’s Thought
“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” – Walt Disney
The swordfish has very few predators to worry about in the wild.
(Except for the seldom seen pen-fish, which is said to be even mightier.)
Continue reading “TIDBITS | Up in Smoke”TIDBITS | Proper Pronunciation
Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.
Today’s Thought
“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” – Anne Lamott
A man being interviewed for a job was asked, “What are your qualifications for the position of night watchman?”
He replied, “The slightest noise wakes me up!”
Continue reading “TIDBITS | Proper Pronunciation”TIDBITS | Kids on Science
I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m okay with that.
After all, 6 lbs. 3 oz. is just not realistic.
Today’s Thought
“I think music and laughter are the two things that can keep you alive. Someone who is really depressed, tell them a joke, and they may come out of it for even just a moment. Or play them something.” – Nell Carter
A girl is doing a crossword puzzle. She asks her friend, “What’s a 7-letter word for ‘easily perceived or understood’ that starts with ‘O’?”
“Isn’t it ‘obvious’?”
“It should be, but I can’t figure it out. That’s why I’m asking.”
Continue reading “TIDBITS | Kids on Science”