More mirth than you can shake your funny bone at! The latest TIDBITS is here!
I hope you have at least as much fun reading it as I had putting it together!
FUNNY PHOTO
INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS
“Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value.” – Albert Einstein
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“Goodness is a special kind of truth and beauty. It is truth and beauty in human behavior.” – H. A. Overstreet
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“Goodness” is an apt description of today’s inspirational video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=632CHpeHYZE
READER COMMENTS
Regarding TIDBITS 1004
Slight ‘oops’ in our Funny Photo last time: I used the term “Standing President” when I really meant “Sitting President.” (But then again, Mr. Trump has never been one to follow the norm!)
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S wrote:
Always a good laugh, thanks Trent
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F, who is a new subscriber joining us for the first time with this issue (welcome to TIDBITS, F!) caught up our last issue online and left this comment there:
Love the Tribute to Utah song!!
Thanks Trent
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J, who’s enthusiastic comments about issue #1003 prompted me to start this Reader Comments section in the first place, had this to say about our latest offerings:
Another great one Trent!
Thank you!
So, more smiles from the Hope video. And the Idaho city video was very well done and had me laughing. And DANG, (pre-family friendly. And Matt from your last one was still “holy poop” RICH as “heck”), Hawkeye can sing and play the piano really well!
And thank you for including my responses to you in your Tidbits! I feel so special! 😉 I’m published! Sigh… Can I retire now? If all your subscribers just sent me one dollar each… LOL!!!
Thanks J! (And extra thanks for self-censoring! Gotta keep it clean for the younger readers!)
Two points I should bring up: 1) Those were Utah city names, not Idaho (though having grown up in Idaho, I can attest that some of the towns there sport rather unique monikers as well!); 2) While it wouldn’t be fair to ask the readers to contribute to your cause, I would be happy to split all the profits from the first five issues with you, 50/50 (let’s see… that would be… ah… zero!). This is a labor of love, you know, and one that I don’t plan on charging for any time in the near future. (Now, if you want to split costs of doing this, that’s another thing entirely!)
TRUE FACTS
The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the king; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the queen — in case she needs the bones for her corset.
Well, sort of true. Learn more
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Bullfrogs do not sleep.
Not in the normal way, anyhow. Learn more
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Maine is the closest U.S. state to Africa.
QUOTABLES
Couldn’t quite use this first one in our “Inspirational Thoughts” section:
“Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.” – John Wayne
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“I’m sick and tired of people saying that we put out 11 albums that sound exactly the same. In fact, we’ve put out 12 albums that sound exactly the same.” – Angus Young, Guitarist, AC/DC
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Siblings Jaden and Willow Smith, talking about Time:
WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.
JADEN: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.
Read the whole interview: Jaden and Willow Smith Interview
JOKES
We feature a couple pieces of bathroom humor today, so apologies ahead of time if they cause any offence.
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
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If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.
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A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says, “Mister, can you spare a dollar?”
The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?”
“No,” says the bum.
The man then asks, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”
Again the bum says, “No.”
So the man says to the bum, “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
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When Susan’s boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ”I love the simple things in life, but I don’t want one of them for my husband.”
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We conclude with another one of my favorite jokes today, a classic piece that I featured in the original run of TIDBITS in issue #998 (yes, I recognize that was technically only seven issues ago, but the 12-year gap between numbers 1000 and 1001 probably gives me allowance for reprinting).
The W.C.
A little old English lady was looking for a room in Switzerland. She asked the local village schoolmaster to help her. A place that suited her was finally found, and the woman returned to London for her luggage. Then she remembered that she had not noticed a bathroom, or as she called it, a water closet. So she wrote to the schoolmaster and inquired about the location of the “W.C.”
The schoolmaster was puzzled by the initials, never dreaming that she was asking about a bathroom. He finally asked the parish priest, who decided that W.C. stood for Wesleyan Church. He then replied:
Dear Madam,
The W.C. is situated nine miles from the house in the center of a beautiful grove of trees. It is capable of holding three hundred fifty people at a time and is open each Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. A large number of folks attend during the summer, so it is suggested you go early, although there is plenty of standing room. Some people like to take their lunches and make a day of it, especially on Thursday, when there is organ accompaniment. The acoustics are very good and everyone can hear the slightest sound.
You may be interested to know that my daughter met her husband and was married in our W.C.
We hope you will be here in time for our upcoming bazaar. The proceeds will go toward the purchase of plush seats, which the folks agree are a long-felt need, as the present seats all have holes in them.
My wife is rather delicate, therefore she cannot attend regularly. It has been six months since the last time she went. Naturally, it pains her very much not to be able to go more often.
I shall close now with the desire to accommodate you in every way possible. I will be happy to save you a seat down front or near the door, whichever you prefer.
– Schoolmaster
FUNNY VIDEO
While I try to keep TIDBITS appropriate for most folks (usually not much more than the occasional ‘damn’ or ‘hell’), once in a while there is something that I just have to share with our readers in spite of language — my sense of humor demands it! That being said, one performer ad-libs an insult that was inappropriate for television near the end of today’s funny video (at the 4:20 mark), which I’m sure was ‘bleeped’ during the actual airing of the show.
While I just saw the same term on Facebook twice in about five minutes while preparing this issue, I nevertheless feel the obligation to alert my readers, just in case. If bad language offends you, don’t watch it (or just stop watching by 4:19), but this is probably the single funniest Tim Conway skit that I’ve ever seen (even counting his dentist bit with Harvey Korman, another classic). In this piece Tim himself ad-libs an entire monologue about elephants during a scene, keeping the rest of the Carol Burnett cast in stitches. This is a legendary bit of improv that is one of my very favorites.
Keep laughing!
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