TIDBITS 1048

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.

Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
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TIDBITS 1047

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
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I had just started eating my main course at the animal rights barbecue when it occurred to me that something didn’t seem quite right.
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TIDBITS 1046

Don’t let aging get you down.

(It’s too hard to get back up!)
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I’m getting into swing dancing.

Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging now.
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You may also have to click a link in a confirmation email.

Then still continue to visit this site from time to time in order to catch up past issues and see bonus content.

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TIDBITS 1045

I’d love to attend the assertiveness training, but I’d better check with my wife first.
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The good-natured boss was finally compelled to call Sam into his office.

“It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out, “that every time there’s a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”

“You know… you’re right, sir,” exclaimed Smith, “I didn’t realize it. You don’t suppose she’s faking, do you?”
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TIDBITS 2017 Christmas Special

How is Christmas like a day at your job?

You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!
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It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
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TIDBITS 1044

My wife just found out the hard way that I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

She really hit the ceiling.
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But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!!
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TIDBITS 1043

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man replied, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
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TIDBITS 1042

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
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‘Tis better to keep quiet and be thought a fool,
than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
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TIDBITS Photo-Cartoons About Trump

Here are photo-cartoons I’ve created for various issues of my weekly TIDBITS humor newsletter that poke a little gentle fun at our current Commander in Chief, including some that have something else as a primary topic.

Click any to bring up a larger image.


From TIDBITS 1019, June 11th, 2017:

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