It was quite the advancement when they invented the shovel.
You might even say it was groundbreaking.
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Today’s Thought
“Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.” – Anonymous
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A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen, “I would like that TV.”
The salesperson shook his head and said, “No, we don’t sell to blondes.”
So the blonde left and came back wearing a brown wig and said: “I’ll take that TV.”
Again the salesman said, “No, we don’t sell to blondes.”
So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and said, “I want that TV.”
But the salesman still said: “No, we don’t sell to blondes.”
The blonde was fed up and asked, “That’s it! How’d you know I was a blonde?!”
The salesman answered, “Because that’s a microwave.”
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A boxer went to a doctor for treatment of insomnia.
“Have you tried counting sheep?” suggested the doctor.
“It doesn’t work,” replied the boxer. “Whenever I get to nine, I stand up!”
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A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
“Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
“However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of anything, and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, an elderly man in the front row raised his hand and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”
Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers,
If you do find one, what’s your plan?
Sincerely,
Not very well thought out
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A radio announcer was introducing a song, “The next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte, that’s a ripe old age, isn’t it?”
There was a short pause and then the DJ said, “I’m sorry, I read it wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill.”
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Quotable
“If you’re going through hell — keep going.” – Winston Churchill
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“Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. “Without you, we are but dust…”
He would have continued, but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”
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A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid replies, “Yeah, I was one of the best Bible salesman back in Omaha.”
The boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You can start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?”
The kid responds, “One.”
The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”
“$101,237.65.”
“$101,237.65? Holy Mother Mary! What did you sell to him?”
“First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn’t think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4×4 truck with all the bells and whistles.”
“A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!”
“No, the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot. You should go fishing.'”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPHVLxm8U-0
