Always remember:
The early bird may get the worm…
but the second mouse gets the cheese!
Today’s Thought
“The question isn’t ‘who’s going to let me?’ It’s ‘who’s going to stop me?'” – Ayn Rand
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. “Here’s that $20 I owe you,” he says.
A salesman telephoned a household, and a four-year-old answered.
The salesman asked, “May I speak to your mother?”
The child responded, “She is not here.”
The salesman persisted, “Well, is anyone else there?”
The child answered, “My sister.”
The salesman said, “Okay, fine. May I speak to her?”
The child said, “I guess so.”
There was a long silence on the other phone. Then the child said, “Hello?”
“It’s you again,” the salesman said. “I thought you were going to get your sister.”
“I tried,” the child replied. “But I just can’t get her out of the playpen.”
Quotable
“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” – Jeff Foxworthy
A cable repairman was on the street and asked me what time it was.
I told him, “Between 8 AM and 1 PM.”
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”
He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, “How much for a season pass?”
[This is claimed to be a true story.]
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2½ years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little “tea set” as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of “tea,” which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was “just the cutest thing!” My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.
Then she said (as only a mother would know), “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”