TIDBITS | Survival Techniques

They really should stock ATMs better.

I went to five different ones today and they all said “insufficient funds.”


Today’s Thought

“Hard work and dedication and perseverance and being good to people does win. It does matter. Cream does rise to the top.” – Gina Rodriguez


I’m so old that I have dialed a rotary phone, watched a black and white TV with foil on the rabbit ear antennas, listened to music on an 8-track tape, and went through a whole day without taking a picture of myself.


A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally they reached the ticket window. “Five tickets, please,” the father said, “Two round trip, three one way.”


TIDBITS

Therapy: expensive.

Venting to your coworkers because you know they literally can’t walk away and are stuck near you for another three hours of this shift: free.


Quotable

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis


The doctor asked me what I was doing for my health.

I told him that I’m doing Crunches twice a day now.

(I may have left out that it is Captain in the morning and Nestle in the afternoon.)


A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.

“What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?” he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.

Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. “Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?” asked the Scout Master.

Timmy replied: “A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.”

“Why’s that Timmy?”

“Well,” answered Timmy, “the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration…”

“And what about the deck of cards?” asked the Scout Master impatiently.

“Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, “Put that red nine on top of that black ten!”

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