Apparently, when you donate blood, it has to be your blood.
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Today’s Thought
“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.” – Og Mandino
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I told my boss that three companies are after me and that I need a raise.
He told me he’d think about it.
I didn’t bother to mention that the three companies are Gas, Electric and Water.
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Patient: “Doc, I think I have hearing problems.”
Physician: “Can you please describe the symptoms?”
Patient: “Well, Homer is overweight and kind of dumb, and Marge has really tall blue hair.”
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
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I just spotted an albino Dalmatian.
It was the least I could do.
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I bought a little bag of air today.
The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.
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How to Install a Southern Home Security System
1) Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14 – 16 men’s work boots.
2) Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.
3) Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4) Leave a note on your door that reads:
“Bubba,
“Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
“Don’t mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
“Anyway, I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back. – Cooter”