Atoms are untrustworthy little critters.
They make up everything!
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Today’s Thought
“The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.” – Bruce Feirstein
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A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you do something about this storm?”
To which he replied, “Lady, I’m in sales, not management.”
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Submitted by an online reader of TIDBITS:
Said one student to another, “I’m against studying Civics in school.”
The other student asked, “Why do you feel that way?”
“Well, It would be okay if we also studied other cars, but why should we show favoritism to Honda?”
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I was staying at my best friend’s house for a few weeks and was helping her put her five-year-old daughter to bed. As we were walking up the long winding stairs, Jessica turned to me and said “Aunty, I know how to spell bed you know.”
“Really?” I replied. “How do you spell bed?”
She looked at me with the most proud look on her face and loudly said, “S-A-P.”
I stopped in my tracks and asked her who had told her that S-A-P spelled bed and she replied, “Mommy. She always says, ‘Jessica Marie, You get to bed SAP.'”
I’ll never forget the look on her face as I laughed so hard that I slipped on the stairs and landed on my rear!
Little Johnny came home and told his father, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.”
His father was surprised. “Really? A special occasion?”
“Yes,” nodded Johnny. “It will be just you, the teacher, the principal and two police officers.”
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My therapist set half a class of water in front of me. He asked me if I was an optimist or a pessimist.
I drank the water and told him I was a problem solver.
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Quotable
“She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.” – Arthur Baer
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Looking her firmly in the eye, I said with a kind smile, “Remember, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”
(In hindsight, maybe this wasn’t the ideal way of telling our daughter that she was adopted.)
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Frank and Jim Smith were quite a pair of sinners. They were notorious for their shady business deals, their drinking, carousing, womanizing and in general their sinning ways within the community.
Sadly, Jim died quite suddenly one day and his brother Frank came to the local Baptist preacher to make arrangements for Jim’s funeral.
“Pastor, I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do for the church. I’m gonna sit right down here and write a check to the church for $100,000. All you have to do for me to write it is to say during Jim’s funeral that he was a saint.”
The pastor sat back in his chair and pondered the proposition for a few minutes, and then looked Frank right in the eye and said, “All right, you write the check and I’ll do it.”
Three days later at the funeral service, everyone in the small town was sitting on the edge of their seats to see just how the preacher would work this one out. He stood and said this, “Jim Smith was a sinner beyond what most pastors usually encounter. He drank, swore, cheated at business, beat on his wife and ran around with every loose woman in the county. But compared to his brother Frank over here he was a saint.”