I’ve started investing in stocks.
Specifically, beef, chicken and vegetable.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
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Today’s Thought
“If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less-than-excellent work.” – Thomas J. Watson
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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We had some drinks. Cool guy.
He wants to be a web developer.
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An avid golfer was late coming home from his weekly game. As he dragged himself wearily through the door, his worried wife met him. “Honey,” she said, “How was your game? Why are you so late?”
“Well,” he replied, “this had to be the worst, hardest game of my life. Jack died out there on the golf course. Just had a heart attack at the second hole and then died.”
“Oh, no!” she cried. “How awful for you! He was your best friend! No wonder you are late….”
“Yes, the ordeal really wore me out,” he said. “The whole rest of the game it was hit the ball, drag Jack, hit the ball, drag Jack….”
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat understood her.
I went back in my house and I told my dog. We laughed a lot.
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After winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.
Apparently that’s frowned upon at the bowling alley.
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If I serve you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need.
Not all that “How did you get into my house?” business.
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Quotable
Actual Resume Bloopers
- “Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
- “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
- “Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”
- “I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”
- “Number of dependents: 40.”
- “Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
- “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”