We had a contest at work for the best neck-wear.
It was a tie.
______
Today’s Thought
“The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.” – Bennett Cerf
______
What’s the best part of Valentine’s Day?
The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
______
Dating Romance:
“I made dinner reservations at the Italian place and bought tickets to that show you’ve been dying to see.”
Married Romance:
“I cleaned up the dog puke, picked up your prescription, and bought that new scrubby sponge you said looked cool.”
A father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.
His son comes home in the afternoon. The father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”
Son: “Yeah.”
Detector: “Beep.“
Son: “OK, OK, I was at the movies.”
Detector: “Beep.”
Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”
Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“
Detector: “Beep.”
Mother laughs: “Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son!”
Detector: “Beep.”
______
Quotable
“My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.” – Emo Philips
______
Whenever I’m feeling fat, I try not to stress about it and just keep my chins up.
______
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck’s home, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied, “It sure weren’t easy to convince the rest of them jurors to change the charge to manslaughter. But I kept at it until they did.”
“Oh?” asked the brother.
“Yep — they all wanted to let him go.”