I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise…
And I was right.
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Today’s Thought
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
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Me: (sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) “I can’t see you anymore. I’m not going to let you hurt me like this again.”
Trainer: “It was a sit up. You did one sit up!”
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If the person who named “Walkie Talkies” named everything:
Stamps = Lickie Stickies
Fork = Stabby Grabby
Socks = Feetie Heaties
Hippo = Floaty Bloaty
Bumble Bees = Fuzzy Buzzies
Bra = Breastie Nestie
Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy
Pregnancy Test = Maybe Baby
Defibrillators = Hearty Starty
Last night I cut loose and danced like no one was watching!
Unfortunately, someone WAS watching, and he thought that I was having a seizure and called an ambulance.
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Quotable
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” – Mark Twain
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My wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked, “Does this make my butt look big?”
I texted back, “Noo!”
My phone auto-corrected my response to “Moo!”
Please send help!!
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A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.” The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”
The jury foreman replied, “Oh, we looked, but your client didn’t.”
