Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Today’s Thought
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” – Steve Jobs
I intend to live forever.
So far, so good!
Instructor: “Welcome to salsa class! Who’s ready to learn how to dance?”
Me, hiding a bag of tortilla chips: “I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
Her husband turned to the doctor, quite concerned.
Don’t worry,” said the doctor reassuringly. “Those are just contractions.”
I just had a physical.
The doctor said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.”
I asked, “So I should avoid things like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No, Fatty, don’t eat anything!”
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.
Donna’s husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the arrangements with the funeral home director when he asked how she wanted Mike’s obituary to read.
Donna inquired, “How much does an obituary cost?”
The director replied, “One dollar per word.”
Donna thought for a moment and said, “I want the obituary to read, ‘MIKE IS DEAD.'”
The funeral director was an old fishing buddy of Mike’s and he was a little disturbed by such a curt obituary, so he offered, “I’ll make you a special deal since I knew Mike so well. I’ll pay for half of the obituary out of my own pocket.”
Donna’s face lit up and she replied, “Great. I want it to read, ‘MIKE IS DEAD, BOAT FOR SALE.'”