I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m okay with that.
After all, 6 lbs. 3 oz. is just not realistic.
Today’s Thought
“I think music and laughter are the two things that can keep you alive. Someone who is really depressed, tell them a joke, and they may come out of it for even just a moment. Or play them something.” – Nell Carter
A girl is doing a crossword puzzle. She asks her friend, “What’s a 7-letter word for ‘easily perceived or understood’ that starts with ‘O’?”
“Isn’t it ‘obvious’?”
“It should be, but I can’t figure it out. That’s why I’m asking.”
One day a lady was driving on the highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, “Uh-oh, what have I done now? I’m not speeding. I’m not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license fees and everything!”
So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn’t deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf.
The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, “I know. I’m here to tell you that your horn is stuck.”
Bob: “Have you heard of Murphy’s Law?”
John: “Yeah. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.”
Bob: “Right. Have you heard of Cole’s Law?”
John: “No, what is it?”
Bob: “Thinly sliced cabbage.”
My wife told me that I did not love any of her relatives.
I told her that is not true. I said, “I love your mother-in-law and father-in-law much more than I love mine.”
Woman: I have the perfect son.
Coworker: Does he smoke?
Woman: No, he doesn’t.
Coworker: Does he drink whiskey?
Woman: No, he doesn’t.
Coworker: Does he ever come home late?
Woman: No, he doesn’t.
Coworker: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
Woman: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Youngsterisms
Quotable Ideas About Science from Kids
- “The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.”
- “Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.”
- “Q: What is one horsepower? A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.”
- “Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.”
- “A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.”
- “There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.”
- “When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.”
- “Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.”
- “Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.”
- “Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.”