I don’t suffer from insanity.
I enjoy every minute of it!
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Today’s Thought
“There is little success where there is little laughter.” – Andrew Carnegie
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A coworker said to me, “Could you be any more annoying?”
Wanting to oblige, I wore tap shoes to work the next day.
[From a post in the TIDBITS Humor Facebook Group]
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Seen on a Bumper Sticker
i souport publik edekashun.
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A clergyman was walking down a country lane and when he saw a young man struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
“You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “Why don’t you rest a moment, and then I’ll give you a hand.”
“No thanks,” said the young man. “My father wouldn’t like it.”
“Don’t be silly,” the minister said. “Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.
Losing his patience, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”
“Well,” replied the young man, “he’s under the load of hay.”
Happy Holidays from TIDBITS
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, New Year’s Day, “Festivus” (from Seinfeld) or just a generic holiday season, TIDBITS would like to wish you a very merry celebration at this special time of year!
This is the season to remember the people and things that really matter most in our lives. Sometimes we get caught up in the busyness of the holidays and forget that there is more to these celebrations than just tinsel and wrapping paper and ornaments. We even get so busy buying presents in an attempt to show our affection to family and friends that we forget to give the gift of ourselves: our time, our attention, our consideration, our kindness. These are the lasting gifts that will be cherished long after the toys break and the candies are eaten.
Children’s author Dr. Seuss created a memorable character who learned the hard way that there is more to the holidays than shopping and spectacle: “And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! ‘Maybe Christmas,’ he thought, ‘doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more!'” (see How the Grinch Stole Christmas, 1957.)
Lost time with loved ones can never be recovered. Be sure to take some quality time this month to give of yourself to your family, friends, neighbors and coworkers. You won’t regret it.
Sincerely,
Trent Passey
TIDBITS Editor
P.S.: Be sure to check out our TIDBITS Christmas Special from last year to add some extra humor to your holiday season:
http://TrentPassey.com/TIDBITS-Christmas-Special/
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A fellow charged with robbing a sporting goods store asked a lawyer to defend him.
“I will take your case,” the lawyer said, “if you will assure me of two things: that you are innocent, and that you will pay me $1600.”
The client thought for a moment, then said, “Will you do it for $400 and a nice set of golf clubs?”
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Curiosity?
Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower.
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Quotable
“Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I’m not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn’t say that. I don’t give myself enough credit. I know enough English to, you know, get by. I can order in restaurants and stuff.” – Brian Regan
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A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.” As they were crossing an open area, along came a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in MY congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”
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A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy asks, “Who is this?”
“This is the maid,” answers the woman.
“We don’t have a maid,” replies the man.
The woman says, “I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.”
“Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”
The woman timidly answers, “She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband.”
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?”
“What would I have to do?”
“I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she’s with.”
Reluctant at first, the maid finally agrees. The man hears her put the phone down. He hears footsteps. Then he hears two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, “What do I do with the bodies?”
The man answers, “Throw them in the swimming pool.”
Puzzled, the maid responds, “But you don’t have a pool.”
After a long pause the man asks, “Wait a second — is this 555-5678?”