A friend said she did not understand cloning.
I told her that makes two of us.
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Today’s Thought
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
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I’ve learned two important lessons in my life.
I can’t recall the first one, but the second is that I need to start writing stuff down.
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Little Johnny at Church
Week 1:
After Sunday school, the teacher releases the kids to go to church and reminds them, “You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?”
Little Johnny offers, “Miss, it’s so we won’t wake all those people sleeping.”
Week 2:
The Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, “Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?”
Little Johnny smiles proudly, “No Miss, there’s no need, my mom cooks really well.”
Week 3:
The Sunday school teacher asks Little Johnny, “Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?”
“No,” replies Little Johnny knowledgeably. “It’s just like with Santa Claus — I know it’s really my dad.”
Week 4:
“And that’s the story of Noah’s ark,” the Sunday school teacher says, closing her Bible. “Johnny, you have a question?”
“Yes,” replies Little Johnny, holding his calculator. “According to my calculations, raising the level of the oceans to 29,000 feet in forty days would require a 30-foot-per-hour rainfall, equivalent to the force of a fire hose. Wouldn’t the ark have been blown apart under those circumstances?”
The Sunday school teacher resigned before the next week.
Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do!
Just look at Beethoven — everyone told him he would never be a musician, just because he was deaf.
But did he listen??
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Quotable
“Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.” – Will Rogers
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My girlfriend asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food in front of you.
So I took her to Subway.
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GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.
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GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts thrown in.
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
Wrinkles don’t hurt.
Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.