I need professional help.
A chef, a butler and a maid should do it.
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Today’s Thought
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
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Answering the phone “Sheriff’s Department, Fraud Division” sure has slowed down the telemarketer calls.
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While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and a passenger looked out the window. “Goodness!” he shouted. “One of the engines just blew up!”
Other passengers left their seats and came running over to look, when suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast, as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the flight attendants couldn’t maintain order.
Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed to make most of the passengers feel better and they sat down.
The pilot then calmly walked towards the door of the aircraft where he pulled out several large packages from a compartment and began handing them to the flight attendants who attached them to their backs.
“Say,” spoke up an alert passenger, “aren’t those parachutes?”
The pilot acknowledged that they were.
The passenger went on, “But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?”
“There isn’t,” replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. “We’re going to go get help.”
My mother-in-law and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met.
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Youngsterisms
Quotable Ideas About Geology from Kids
“In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.”
“Talc is found on rocks and on babies.”
“Lime is a green-tasting rock.”
“Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.”
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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and feel glad that you are alive?
I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again.
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At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, “Darling, how ’bout a goodnight kiss?”
Horrified, she replies, “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”
“Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”
“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”
“Oh come on, there’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”
“No way. It’s just too risky!”
“Oh please, please, I like you so much!!”
“No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can’t!”
“Oh yes you can. Please?”
“NO, no. I just can’t.”
“Pleeeeease?…”
Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: “Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!”