I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.
Do not read it!
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Today’s Thought
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” – Denis Waitley
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My mouth is a bit like a magician’s hat.
I’m always amazing people with what comes out of it!
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[This one is based on a Pickles comic strip.]
Grandfather: “The philosopher Plato once said, “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing — and that is that I know nothing.”
Grandson: “How did he know that?”
Grandfather: “His wife told him.”
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. “Give me one last request, dear,” he said.
“Of course, John,” his wife said softly.
“Six months after I die,” he said, “I want you to marry Bob.”
“But I thought you hated Bob,” she said.
With his last breath John said, “I do!”
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The new thesaurus I bought is terrible.
Not only that, but it’s also… um… terrible.
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Quotable
“Isaac Newton died a virgin. That means I have one up on history’s greatest scientific genius. Because I’m not dead.” – Kevin Schwartz on America’s Got Talent
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A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can’t believe this guy would just stand around on the job.
The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m just waiting to get paid,” responds the man.
Furious, the CEO asks “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young fellow replies, “I make about $300 a week. Why?”
The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now get out and don’t come back.”
The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out.
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?”
From across the room comes a voice, “Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200.”