I can’t believe someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick!
Seriously, how low can you go?!?
Today’s Thought
“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” – Najwa Zebian
Wife: “There is a problem with the tractor. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: I’m telling you the tractor has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know where the carburetor is. Where’s the tractor?”
Wife: “In the pool.”
I’ve been to a lot of places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.
Apparently you can’t go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I’ve also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport, you have to be driven there.
I have made several trips.
Which is the hardest for you to say?
- I love you.
- I was wrong, I’m sorry.
- I need help.
- I appreciate you.
- Worcestershire sauce.
I saw a guy at the beach yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed.
I knew the shark wasn’t going to help him.
There is no reason to tailgate someone in the slow lane, especially when I’m going 35 over the speed limit.
(And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.)
A police captain was interviewing three patrolmen who were getting trained to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first patrolman a picture for five seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect; how would you recognize him?”
The first patrolman answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”
The captain says, “Well… uh… that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second patrolman and asks him “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second patrolman smiles, flips his hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”
The captain angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course, only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third patrolman and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The patrolman looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The captain is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check the file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an acute observation?”
“That’s easy,” the patrolman replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”