While most puns make me feel numb, math puns make me feel number!
Today’s Thought
“If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that’s my reward.” – Victor Borge
“Look here Mike,” Susan said to her husband, “see how Mary’s husband takes her to a movie and dinner every week? Why can’t you do that?”
“Sure dear,” Mike replied, “anything you say. Could you check with her and see if she’s free next Friday?”
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel microphone, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mic cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles, doing the same thing, a little girl in the third row leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”
If you ever get locked out of your house, just talk to your door calmly.
Most experts will tell you, communication is key.
Quotable
“I wish I was ethnic; I’m nothing. ‘Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, ‘He’s got a Latin temper.’ But if you’re a white guy and you get angry, people are like, ‘That guy’s a jerk.'” – Jim Gaffigan
A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low bridge ahead!” Before he knows it, he’s at the bridge and he gets stuck while going under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Eventually, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver’s window, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver leans out and calmly replies, “No, officer, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland.
Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced “One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry, we have three engines left.”
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced “One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry, we have two engines left.”
An hour later the capain announced “One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry, we have one engine left.”
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”