My neighbor rang my doorbell at 3:00 A.M. Can you believe it?!
Luckily I was still up playing the drums.
Today’s Thought
“You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
I’m terrified of elevators.
So I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
“Quick, darling,” the wife shouts frantically, “Do something!”
“Oh, no,” the husband says. “That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!”
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
There are three types of people in the world.
Those of us who are good at math, and those of us who aren’t.
Youngsterisms
Quotable Ideas About Chemistry from Kids
“We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.”
“Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog’s tongue will kill the strongest man.”
“Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.”
“To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.”
“In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.”
The local sheriff was looking for a new deputy. When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her “Okay, what is one and one?”
“Eleven,” she replies.
The sheriff thinks to himself, “That’s not what I wanted, but I guess she’s right!”
“What two days of the week begin with the letter T?” he asks.
“Today and tomorrow,” the blonde answers.
The sheriff is again surprised that the blonde has supplied a correct answer that had not even occurred to him.
“Now listen carefully, who killed Abe Lincoln?” he asks her.
The blonde looks a little surprised. She thinks really hard for a minute and finally admits, “I don’t know.”
“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”
So, the blonde wanders over to the beauty parlor, where her pals are waiting to hear the results of the interview.
The blonde was exultant. “The interview went great!” she says. “First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”