A rancher went into his field and counted and had 297 cows.
He was confused later when he rounded them up and had 300.
______
Today’s Thought
“I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever ‘laughter.'” – Yakov Smirnoff
______
Editor: Today’s edition is entirely composed of jokes recently posted by members of the TIDBITS Humor Facebook group. (Even the thought of the day is a quote I shared myself in the group.)
One of my objectives for starting the TIDBITS Humor group was to have a place where others could share jokes they came across that could then be included in this newsletter.
In past issues I’ve noted when a joke has been copied or adapted from posts in the group. Moving forward I won’t indicate that, since several of the jokes in any given issue may likely have originated in the group.
If you use Facebook at all, I’d encourage you to join the group and receive TIDBITS-style humor on a daily basis.
______
Coach: “Okay class, today we are going to play a game. When I say a fruit, you run to the right side of the court. And when I say a color, you run to the left side of the court. Got it?”
Class: “Got it.”
Coach: “Okay… Ready, set… ORANGE!”
______
I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though I knew that I was not speeding.
Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.
I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail’s pace.
Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
You know that voice in the back of your head that tells you not to do something?
Mine bets me five dollars I can’t!
______
I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and long story short, I’m covering for Debbie this weekend.
______
So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
______
A man and a woman were married for many years, but they were not always happy. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
Neighbors feared him, and the old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98 and his wife had a closed casket at the funeral.
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?”
The wife replied, “Let him dig. I had him buried upside down and I know he won’t ask for directions.”