I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
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Never read the fine print.
There ain’t no way you’re going to like it.
______
Me: “What’s the WiFi password?”
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll have a Coke.”
Bartender: “Is Pepsi okay?”
Me: “Sure. How much is that?”
Bartender: “Three dollars.”
Me: “There you go. So what’s the WiFi password?”
Bartender: “‘You need to buy a drink first,’ no spaces, all lowercase.”
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New Concerns for a Free-Spirited Generation
Then: long hair.
Now: longing for hair.
Then: a K.E.G.
Now: an E.K.G.
Then: acid rock.
Now: acid reflux.
Then: moving to California because it is cool.
Now: moving to California because it is hot.
Then: seeds and stems.
Now: roughage.
Then: popping pills, smoking joints.
Now: popping joints.
Then: killer weed.
Now: weed killer.
Then: hoping for a BMW.
Now: hoping for a BM.
Then: getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: getting a new hip joint.
Quotable
Harry Truman was known for his blunt manner of speaking. When he made a speech at the Washington Garden Club, he kept referring to the “good manure” that needed to be used on the flowers.
Some society women complained to his wife, Bess. “Couldn’t you get the President to say ‘fertilizer’?” they asked.
Mrs. Truman replied, “Heavens, no! It took me twenty-five years to get him to say ‘manure.'”
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“How the diet going?”
“Not so good. I had eggs for breakfast.”
“Scrambled?”
“No, chocolate.”
______
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the big deal — haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
______
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks the barber, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.”
The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door again, and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, “About three hours.” The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the door of the shop again and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and a half.” The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, “Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps coming by and asking how long he has to wait for a haircut. When I tell him, he leaves but then doesn’t come back. I’d just like to know what’s with this guy.”
A little while later, Bill comes back to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, “Bill, where did that guy go when he left here?”
Bill looks at the barber, still laughing, and says, “Your house!”
Think of it as “TIDBITS Live”…