Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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[Editor: Those of us who work in marketing do know how to spin a story for best effect.]
An inter-office softball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one mid-size company. The support staff always whipped the marketing department soundly.
To show just how the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the most recent annual game:
“The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2018 Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, winning only one game.”
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A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.
The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”
The husband replied, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”
The wife said, “Seven weeks.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL5A4H8QJH8
[Editor: The following is a piece that I didn’t feel was worthy of TIDBITS, so I shared it with select readers a few weeks back as just a “bonus joke.” I was surprised when some of them made it a point to tell me how much they enjoyed it, so I’ve decided to go ahead and include it in today’s issue.]
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table… but surprisingly, there’s no punchline.
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“Excuse me,” a young fellow said to an older man, “I’ve just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers?”
“Well,” replied the older man, “I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is that we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet.”
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Dave: “I got this great new hearing aid the other day.”
Mary: “Are you wearing it now?”
Dave: “Yup. Cost me $4,000, but it’s top of the line.”
Mary: “Wow! What kind is it?”
Dave: “12:30.”
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My grandmother had been bothered by calls coming in after midnight, waking her, and forcing her out of bed and across the house to answer. Invariably, they were from the same man, seemingly slightly intoxicated, with bar-crowd noises in the background.
He wanted to speak to Peggy, whoever that was, and my grandmother would tell him there was no Peggy living there, and that he must have the wrong number. But he wouldn’t believe her, and kept insisting, begging, pleading, etc. to talk to Peggy. My Grandmother would have to just hang up finally.
This went on for a few days, and late one night, when the phone rang, my Grandfather held back his wife, and said, “I’ll take care of this,” and got out of bed to answer the phone. The ensuing conversation was short and quick, and went something like this:
“Hello?”
“Hello, Can I speak to Peggy?”
“No, I’m sorry, she can’t come to the phone right now — she’s nursing the baby.”
