My wife just found out the hard way that I replaced our bed with a trampoline.
She really hit the ceiling.
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But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!!
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Editor’s Note: Next week, in lieu of our regular issue of TIDBITS, readers will receive the TIDBITS 2017 Christmas Special, an extra-large edition which will feature several Christmas videos with holiday humor sprinkled in-between.
To get us started in the spirit of the season, I’ve added a couple music videos to today’s offerings (including a video from Alex Boye that I previously presented in TIDBITS 1012 back in April, but fits better here).
I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday season!
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A photon checked into a deluxe hotel. The concierge asked him if he needed any help with his luggage.
“No,” the photon replied. “I’m traveling light.”
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A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness. Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade. He landed on a rock and broke both legs.
With the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, the preacher prayed, “O Lord, I’m so sorry for skipping services today. Please forgive me and grant me just one thing — make a Christian out of that bear that’s coming at me!”
At that very instant, the bear skidded to a halt. Astonished, the preacher watched as the beast fell to his knees and clasped his paws together, as though in prayer.
“It’s a miracle!” the preacher exclaimed. “Thank the Lord!”
Then the great bear began to speak out loud in clear English. “Dear God,” the bear said humbly, “please bless this food I am about to receive.”
True Fact (Sort of)
Here is how the information is traditionally presented:
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
I have included the above as a “true fact” in a couple of previous group mailings, since that is how it was listed when I originally came across it. It turns out that it is actually an urban legend that may be partially based in truth, since some equestrian statues (those that depict riders on horseback) commemorating the Battle of Gettysburg and the Civil War in general do seem to follow it. There are at least nine Gettysburg equestrian statues, however, that don’t. Learn more
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A father frequently took his four-year-old son on walks through the city park. This park contained a large statue of General Robert E. Lee riding his horse, Traveler.
The father had a fond respect for General Lee and wanted his son to have the same affection for the general. On each walk they would stop in front of the statue of General Lee on his horse and the father would tell his son, “Say hello to General Lee.”
The little boy would wave his hand and say, “Hi, General Lee.”
For several months, this ritual continued with each visit to the park. Then one day, after greeting General Lee, the boy asked his father, “Daddy, who is that man up there riding General Lee?”
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Jack and his wife were living in Arizona during a heat wave. One day, as he stepped out of the shower, Jack made the observation to his wife in the next room, “It’s just too hot to wear clothes today.”
Walking naked to where his wife was, Jack continued, “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
Looking him up and down, his wife replied, “Probably that I married you for your money.”
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A man took his old duck to the vet, concerned because the duck wouldn’t eat.
The vet explained to the man that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and it makes it difficult for the bird to pick up its food.
“What you need to do,” the vet told him, “is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck’s nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it’ll drown.”
The man left the vet’s office, only to run into him again about a week later.
“Well, how is that duck of yours?” the vet inquired.
“He’s dead!” declared the heartbroken man.
“I told you not to file his upper bill down too far!” the vet retorted. “He took a drink of water and drowned, didn’t he?”
“No,” lamented the man. “I think he was dead before I took him out of the vise.”
