A rich man was trying to find his daughter a birthday gift when he saw a poor man with a beautiful white horse. He told the man that he would give him $500 for the horse.
The poor man replied, “I don’t know mister, it don’t look so good,” and walked away.
The next day the rich man came back and offered the poor man $1,000 for the horse.
The poor man said, “I don’t know mister, it don’t look so good.”
On the third day the rich man offered the poor man $2,000 for the horse, and said he wouldn’t take no for an answer. The poor man agreed, and the rich man took the horse home.
The rich man’s daughter loved her present. She climbed onto the horse, then galloped off… right into a tree.
The rich man rushed back over to the poor man’s house, demanding an explanation for the horse’s blindness.
The poor man replied, “I told you. It don’t look so good.”
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As I watched my dog chasing his tail, I thought, “Dogs are easily amused.”
Then I realized I was watching my dog chasing his tail.
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True Fact:
Some species of aquatic turtles can breathe through their butts.
Learn more
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A woman who was driving down the highway pulled over to the side of the road when the policeman driving behind her turned on his lights and siren.
She didn’t have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quietly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.
After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, “I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?”
“Yes, I do, officer,” she politely replied.
“Interesting,” said the officer. “Do you always loop it through your steering wheel like that?”
PHOTO-CARTOON OF THE WEEK
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Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about “the good old days,” when Grandma turned to Grandpa and asked, “Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?”
Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile Grandma pressed a little farther, “Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged you’d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?”
Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, Grandma asked, “Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?”
Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma asked, “Honey, where are you going?”
Grandpa replied, “To get my teeth!”
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Instead of “the John,” I call my toilet “the Jim.”
That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
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Parenting 101
When your first child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you take her to a doctor.
When your second child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you spit on a hankie and clean him.
When your third child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you wonder whether she still needs lunch.
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A guy driving a Ford Fiesta pulled up next to a Rolls-Royce at a stoplight. The driver of the Fiesta rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Fiesta!”
The driver of Rolls looked over and drolly replied, “Yes I have a phone.”
The driver of the Fiesta said, “Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there, too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Fiesta!”
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, responded, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”
The driver of the Fiesta said, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Fiesta!”
The driver of the Rolls, looking extremely annoyed, replied, “Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”
The driver of the Fiesta said, “Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Fiesta!”
The driver of the Rolls-Royce didn’t reply, and when the light changed a few seconds later, he sped off, upset that he, in fact, did not have a bed. He drove straight to the dealership, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls.
The driver of the Rolls picked up his car the next morning, and saw that his new bed looked superb, with satin sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce.
The driver of the Rolls decided he would find the Fiesta, and he drove around the area all day searching for the car. Finally, late that night, he found the Fiesta parked at the side of the road, with all the windows fogged up from the inside.
Getting out of the Rolls, the driver marched over to the Fiesta and knocked lightly on the driver’s side window. When there wasn’t any answer, he knocked harder and then harder still.
He persisted until the Fiesta owner eventually stuck his head out, soaking wet. “I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated smugly.
The driver of the Fiesta glared back at him and exclaimed, “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!”
FEATURED VIDEOS
A clever piece from Rowan Atkinson, best known as “Mr. Bean”:
Here’s a fun music video from Lindsey Stirling: