We say a sad goodbye to a second TIDBITS reader today. I noticed that Joan (or Joni, as she was known to her friends) hadn’t opened the last four issues that had been sent out. As morbid as it might sound, I did an Internet search and found what I was afraid of: her obituary.
Now before someone is tempted to make an offhand comment about TIDBITS being bad for one’s health, in the case of both ladies, they were in the latter stages of cancer when the new run of TIDBITS started. In fact, both were friends with each other.
My sister (whose passing I noted in issue 1007) had suggested that I add Joni to my previous joke list to help cheer her. Even though she eventually discontinued that subscription, she surprised me by accepting my invitation and filling out the sign-up form for the TIDBITS revival. She even sent in a comment that I featured in issue 1006.
I hope that I succeeded in lightening her burden just a bit during her last weeks, I and hope that TIDBITS makes a contribution, however small, in brightening each of your lives too.
Stephen King said, “You can’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.” Well don’t try to deny it any longer! Sit down in the chair with it and giggle away as you read this latest issue!
Enjoy!
PHOTO-CARTOON OF THE WEEK
<Click Image to Enlarge>
INSPIRATION
“Two things that could measure who we are: The way we manage when we have nothing, and the way we behave when we have everything.” – Unknown
HUMOR
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money, and
never appears to have noticed that
you actually set it free in the first place…
you either married it or gave birth to it!
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It’s funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner, yet I still feel like the victim.
______
True Fact:
There are 10 times as many bacteria in your body than there are actual body cells.
(Although some dispute that ratio. Read the refutation.)
______
I was visiting my daughter the other evening when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
“Dad, this is the 21st century,” she said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers, we do everything digitally.”
Reaching into her purse, she continued, “Here, use my smart phone.”
“Okay,” I replied, taking the phone.
I can tell you this — that fly never knew what hit him!
______
Quotable:
[The following is reported to be a true story.]
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”
______
You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.
______
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple suddenly found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they began to wonder between themselves if they could possibly get married in Heaven.
When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him. St. Peter responded, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out.”
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting, and they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could someone get a divorce in heaven?
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” replied the woman. “But we were just wondering what would happen if things don’t work out between us. Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter suddenly went red in the face with anger and slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
Frightened, the man asked, “What’s wrong?”
“OH, COME ON!” St. Peter loudly replied. “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”
FEATURED VIDEOS
For a music video this week, here are two of my favorites performing together, Lindsey Stirling and Pentatonix:
For our funny video this week, we turn to that time-honored classic, funny animal videos. Some critters apparently are just a tiny bit more skittish than others.
Keep smiling!