Your weekly fun-fest has arrived!
Khalil Gibran said, “In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”
My friends, let’s share some laughter!
Enjoy!
PHOTO-CARTOON OF THE WEEK
Special thanks to reader M who suggested the theme for this week’s photo-cartoon.
<Click to Enlarge>
INSPIRATION
“To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.” – Anonymous
HUMOR
A very respectable lady went into a pharmacy and marched right up to the pharmacist. She looked straight into his eyes and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist looked concerned and asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady calmly replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes grew wide as he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
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True Fact:
Mr. Potato Head was the first toy to be advertised on television. In fact, it was the very first advertisement aimed directly at children. (Bonus Fact: In 1985, Mr. Potato Head received four write-in votes in the mayoral election in Boise, Idaho.)
Learn more
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The news reported that someone was killed today with a starting pistol.
The police suspect it may be race-related.
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Quotable:
“Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren’t any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.” – Carroll Bryant
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At the weekly staff meeting, the CEO told a joke.
The whole room erupted with laughter except for Bob.
The CEO looked sternly at him and asked, “Didn’t you understand my joke?”
Bob smiled and replied, “Oh I understood it, but I already gave my notice this morning.”
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True Fact:
If you eat a polar bear liver, you will probably die. (It has too much Vitamin A for humans to handle.)
Learn more
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Dear Mother-in-Law:
Please do not tell me how to raise my kids.
I’m married to one of yours and he still needs some work!
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A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?”
The husband replied, “No sweetie.”
The woman said, “I’m sure you would. You wouldn’t want to be alone.”
The man consented, “Okay, I guess I would.”
The woman then asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”
The man replied, “Oh, I don’t think so.”
The woman “Don’t be silly. It would be a waste of money to get a new bed.”
The man agreed, “Yes, I guess you are right.”
Then the wife asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”
The husband quickly replied, “No, she’s left handed.”
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The Quotable Yogi Berra:
Legendary baseball player Yogi Berra was an 18-time All-Star and went 14 times to the World Series as a member of the Yankees (and helped win 10 of them). He was so famous that cartoon character Yogi Bear was likely named after him (he actually sued Hanna-Barbera for defamation, but withdrew the suit when their management insisted that it was just a coincidence). But as famous as Berra was as a ballplayer, sportswriters loved him even more because of his countless expressions that he would rattle off that really didn’t quite make sense. Here are a few dozen of them I’ve selected for TIDBITS and arranged by topic.
(Note that not all of these “Berra-isms” may have actually been said by him, but they certainly all fit his style of speaking. Berra himself put it so well: “I never said most of the things I said.”)
BASEBALL
In baseball, you don’t know nothing.
Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical.
It ain’t like football. You can’t make up no trick plays.
He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.
Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.
If people don’t want to come out to the ball park, nobody’s gonna stop ’em.
You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.
Pair up in threes.
If I didn’t make it in baseball, I won’t have made it workin’. I didn’t like to work.
So I’m ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.
Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.
It gets late early out there. (His explanation for missing a ball in the sun.)
I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?
KIDS
I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.
Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.
ADVICE ON LIFE
You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Never answer an anonymous letter.
Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
OBSERVATIONS
You can observe a lot by just watching.
It ain’t over till it’s over.
It’s like déjà vu all over again.
The future ain’t what it used to be.
It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.
It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.
Texas has a lot of electrical votes. (Berra agreeing with George Bush during a campaign when Bush told him that Texas was important.)
He must have made that before he died. (While watching a Steve McQueen movie on TV.)
We have deep depth.
If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.
No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.
It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
PERSONAL
Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.
I’m lucky. Usually you’re dead to get your own museum, but I’m still alive to see mine.
I ain’t the ulcer type, but I’m always worrying about something.
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
Four. I don’t think I could eat eight. (Berra to a waitress who had asked how many pieces the pizza he’d ordered should be cut into.)
I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.
Interviewer: Why, you’re a fatalist!
Berra: You mean I save postage stamps? Not me.
A lot of guys go, ‘Hey, Yog, say a Yogi-ism.’ I tell ’em, ‘I don’t know any.’ They want me to make one up. I don’t make ’em up. I don’t even know when I say it. They’re the truth. And it is the truth. I don’t know.
FEATURED VIDEOS
Our music/inspirational video this week is one that I was going to save for an issue a little closer to Christmas, but every time I watch it (or even think of it) I get filled with an overwhelming sense of joy and hope, so I’m presenting it now. Here is Alex Boyé with another one of his Africanized versions of a popular song.
As a bonus music video (and also an inspirational one), here is more Alex Boyé, this time from his first appearance on America’s Got Talent. While he unfortunately tanked on his second visit, this first one really wowed the judges. Howie Mandel even said it was his favorite music act in six years on the show.
Our funny video of the week features the ever zany Marx Brothers. I just love their movies, and this is one of my favorite scenes.
Keep laughing!