Another week, another TIDBITS! I’d like to welcome several new readers who have signed up in the last week, as well as extend a greeting to all those who have been reading it via links in social media or on my website (www.TrentPassey.com).
Beginning today we will start featuring a Reader Comments section, where I can post some of the positive — and negative — feedback I receive regarding past issues. (While I reserve the right to quote readers without asking their permission, I will only use a single initial to identify them.)
These things take a little work to put together each week, but it is worth it if I can bring a smile to just one of my readers (though hopefully most of you are at least a little amused by each issue). Please note that I gladly welcome submissions! Feel free to send me your favorite jokes, bizarre facts, weird quotes and/or inspirational thoughts, as well as links to favorite YouTube videos (both funny and inspirational). Have an idea for one of my editorial photo-cartoons? Send it in too. I want to make TIDBITS the very best it can be, and with the help of you, my readers, I’m confident I can succeed.
Now on to today’s festivities. Enjoy!
TODAY’S FUNNY PHOTO
TODAY’S INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS
“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard
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“Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
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I think one word perfectly describes today’s inspirational video: Hope.
TODAY’S TRUE FACTS
Only about 1% of a mature tree is actually alive (leaves, buds, roots and a thin film of cells under the bark). Learn more.
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Harvard University was founded before calculus was discovered. (1636 and 1684, respectively.)
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Bayer, the aspirin company, once sold heroin as a remedy for children suffering from coughs, colds and “irritation.” Learn more.
TODAY’S READER COMMENTS
Regarding TIDBITS 1001
Thanks for the chuckles!!
The pic is great too. ????
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Good work Trent.
I’m going to be looking forward to the rest!
Thank you for including me in this,
<signed>
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Regarding TIDBITS 1002
Great and nicely done!
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HAHAHA!!
Sheldon outtakes 🙂 It made me laugh.
You do not have permission to post any of my pictures or any videos that you have 🙂
Thanks Trent
[Hmm… I sense a blackmail opportunity!]
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A bit cumbersome to read on my phone (have to scroll side to side to read) but jokes are funny. I like the additions of inspirational thought.
I’m hoping you don’t have any video of me floating around. ????????????
[No, it’s only comments from people that I post without permission!]
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Regarding TIDBITS 1003
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Here is a good one:
<joke quoted>
Thanks Trent J Passey for sharing!
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I always knew you were a bit bananas. ????
[I’m assuming that was in response to the statement in the True Facts section about humans sharing 50% of their DNA with bananas, but you never know!]
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Where the hell is Matt? 2008. I agree wholeheartedly!!! That is pure joy being shown there! I was smiling the whole time I was watching it. And the first thought I had was I loved how he got others involved. The second was, holy <expletive deleted> Matt is RICH as hell to be going to all these places. No wonder he’s doing a freaking Jig!
Thanks Trent, back to reading your Tidbit,
<signed>
P.S. Yes, I did just stop reading it after watching that video to send you this…
TODAY’S QUOTABLES
“What was your father’s maiden name?” – My sister-in-law (and TIDBITS reader) Debbie to a friend, in all sincerity (quoted with permission)
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[I had to learn this bit of nonsense back in grade school. There are several variations of it out there.]
One bright day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and killed those two dead boys.
If you don’t believe that this tale is true,
Ask the blind man — he saw it too!
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“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” – George W. Bush
TODAY’S JOKES
Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
“What’s that brass gong for?” asked the friend.
“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied.
“A talking clock? How’s it work?”
“Watch this,” said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: “Hey, you jerk. It’s 3:00 in the morning!”
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A divorce court judge said to the husband,”Mr Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” Smith replied. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”
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A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, ”Is this some kind of joke?”
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Our second-to-last joke today was determined by a scientific study to be the “World’s Funniest Joke.” Learn more.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
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Our final joke today appeared previously in TIDBITS #997 from 1/27/2005 and is one of my all-time favorites. A version of it was actually in the lead of that same scientific study for a while to be considered the World’s Funniest Joke. Learn more.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look straight up and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, you twit… somebody has stolen our tent!”
TODAY’S FUNNY VIDEO
I’m including a bonus video today before our regular funny video. Last week I took a trip to Arizona to visit my sister and kept passing many a uniquely-named Utah city along the way. As I did so, this video kept coming back to mind, a fun piece from a few years ago set to the tune of Kokomo by the Beach Boys. Yes, folks, these are real towns in Utah.
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Today’s official funny video is also a musical parody, and comes from a couple of years ago. I’m a fan of the Marvel Comics movies that feature superheroes such as Iron Man and Captain America. One of their fellow heroes on the Avengers team, Hawkeye, doesn’t get much exposure, and hasn’t had a movie of his own (so far). Perhaps that’s because he’s just a good archer and doesn’t have any actual powers. Or does he? The producers of the Tonight Show seemed to think he might, and gave him a chance to address that very issue in this musical segment from an episode.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ27iS1mkuo
Keep laughing!
Love the Tribute to Utah song!!
Thanks Trent