We are back for our third new edition. Beginning in this issue we are adding a new feature: an inspirational video to accompany our inspirational quote. (Hey, it can’t be giggles all the time, you know. Okay it technically can be. And for the most part it still will be. But a little diversity doesn’t hurt!)
Don’t worry, we aren’t abandoning our concluding funny video of each edition, just expanding our video offerings to at least two in every issue moving forward (including occasional bonus funny ones).
For those who felt I was a bit too critical of our current administration with last issue’s funny photo, today’s should help to keep the plate level. (I am an equal opportunity offender, after all.) 😉
Keep laughing!
TODAY’S FUNNY PHOTO
In honor of Presidents Day:
TODAY’S INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS
“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.” – Oscar Wilde
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller
Today’s Inspirational Video is one created by Matt Harding called “Where the Hell is Matt? 2008.” The date is in the title because he also made a 2005 and 2006 version of this video, and then followed it with one in 2012 and again most recently in 2016 (where he softened the title to “Where the Heck is Matt?”).
Matt goes around the world and dances a silly little jig in front of the camera at different locations, often having people join in with him. The 2008 version is the first one I ever saw, and it is still my favorite. When I first saw it I thought to myself, “This is what pure joy looks like.”
I hope you think so too.
TODAY’S TRUE FACTS
An elephant’s tooth can weigh as much as a bowling ball.
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Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.
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The name “Jessica” was created by Shakespeare in the play Merchant of Venice.
TODAY’S QUOTABLES
“I’m sick of this US government… Hawaii here I come.” – Twitter poster Josh
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“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
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“You cannot be president of the United States if you don’t have faith. Remember Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the Civil War and all that stuff. You can’t be. And we are blessed. So don’t feel sorry for — don’t cry for me, Argentina. Message: I care.” – President George Bush, Sr., speaking to employees of an insurance company during the 1992 New Hampshire primary
TODAY’S JOKES
Apologies ahead of time if anyone doesn’t like animal jokes, ’cause we’ve got a few of them today.
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A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” asked the collie.
“I can’t,” replied the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
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You might be a redneck if you think the last words to “The Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
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A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for.
The barman replies, “If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar $100. Do you want to have a go?”
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, “Nah, the steaks are too high!”
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I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One said to the other, “How do you like that? Pay toilets.”
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A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for the food.”
The panda yells back, “Hey, man, I’m a panda. Look it up!”
The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: “A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
TODAY’S FUNNY VIDEO
While many of our readers’ spam filters have been blocking direct delivery of TIDBITS to their Inboxes, I hope none of our readers themselves feel the same! To see an example of actual spam — and a very funny response to it — take a look at Today’s Funny Video, submitted to me by a potential TIDBITS reader (who himself declined to sign up for the list… but I haven’t given up on him yet!). I hope it makes you laugh as much as I did!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4Uc-cztsJo
See you next week!