If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip!
______
I hope the kids never figure out why I say “Oooops!” so often when I vacuum their rooms.
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1041”
Professional Marketing Services
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip!
______
I hope the kids never figure out why I say “Oooops!” so often when I vacuum their rooms.
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1041”
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble!
______
Always remember that a penny saved… is a government oversight!
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1040”
I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing.
______
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
______
When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot.
That way people will visit more often.
______
Have you heard about the new Korean cookbook?
It’s called, “101 Ways to WOK Your Dog.”
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1038”
I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.
______
Love is staying up all night with a sick child… or a healthy adult!
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1037”
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
______
Interviewer: “What is your greatest strength?”
Applicant: “I quickly and decisively make decisions when under pressure.”
Interviewer: “What’s your greatest weakness?”
Applicant: “I make awful decisions.”
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1036”
They say that change is hard.
I guess that’s true. After all, have you ever tried to bend a coin?
______
The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1035”
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.
All it was doing was gathering dust.
______
I’m so bright my mother calls me son.
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1034”
I never give up on my dreams!
(I just keep sleeping until I’m late for work.)
______
A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.
“Did you see their face?” her friends asked when she came back inside.
“No, but it’s okay — I got the license plate number!”
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1033”
I’ve just written a song about a tortilla.
Although, now that I think about it, it’s actually more of a rap.
______
Wife: Whatcha doing?
Me: Nothing.
Wife: You did that yesterday.
Me: I wasn’t finished.
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1032”