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TIDBITS | He Who Is Without Sin

My friend went bald years ago but still carries an old comb around with him.

He just can’t part with it.
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Today’s Thought

“A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.” – Vince Lombardi
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The officer said, “You’re staggering.”

I replied, “You’re quite the handsome fella yourself!”

We just laughed and laughed.

I NEED BAIL MONEY!
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TIDBITS | Career Choice

Never date cross-eyed people.

They might be seeing somebody on the side!
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Today’s Thought

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou
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Just Wondering…

If the No. 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still No. 2?

Why do people say “heads up” when you should duck?

When French people swear, do they say, “Pardon my English”?
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TIDBITS | The Birds and the Bees

I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party.

Unfortunately, my plans were foiled.
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Today’s Thought

“We work to become, not to acquire.” – Elbert Hubbard
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True Story

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter even the priest smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
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TIDBITS | The Abstinence Rule

Marriage — The most expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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Today’s Thought

“For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.” – Neil deGrasse Tyson

[I shared a picture version of this recently in the TIDBITS Humor Facebook group.]
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I came out of a burger joint with a double cheeseburger, a large fry, a shake and a cherry pie. A poor homeless man was sitting there and said, “I’ve not eaten for two days.”

I told him, “I wish I had your will power.”
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