“I am going bananas!”
That’s what I say to my bananas each morning before I leave the house.
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It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!
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TIDBITS 1023
A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”
He replied, “Call for backup!”
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If I had 50 cents for every math exam I failed, I’d have $6.30 by now.
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Continue reading “TIDBITS 1023”
TIDBITS 1022
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup.
As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife.
The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1022”
TIDBITS 1021
An old man named Sam was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”
“Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.”
TIDBITS 1020
[A version of this first one was featured during our first run of TIDBITS and appeared in issue #881 in June 2004. I’ve edited and updated it for use in this issue.]
A woman was walking along a beach when she stumbled over a bottle, knocking the cork out. Out popped a genie. The woman got very excited and said, “Oh goodie! I get three wishes, right?”
“No ma’am,” replied the genie. “Things are really bad in the genie economy, so today you can only get one wish.”
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1020”
TIDBITS 1019
A rich man was trying to find his daughter a birthday gift when he saw a poor man with a beautiful white horse. He told the man that he would give him $500 for the horse.
The poor man replied, “I don’t know mister, it don’t look so good,” and walked away.
TIDBITS 1018
Sam went to the doctor to find out about his recent tests.
“It’s really bad, I’m afraid,” said his doctor. “You’ve got a disease so new that it hasn’t even been given a name yet — we just call it ‘Blue 56.’
“The only certain thing,” continued the doctor in hushed tones, “is that you don’t have much more than three days to live.”
TIDBITS 1017
Three drunk guys climbed into a taxi. Noting their extreme state of intoxication, the taxi driver figured he could trick them and make an easy buck without any of them being the wiser. The driver started the engine, waited a minute, then turned it off, saying, “Okay, we’ve reached your destination!”
TIDBITS 1016
We say a sad goodbye to a second TIDBITS reader today. I noticed that Joan (or Joni, as she was known to her friends) hadn’t opened the last four issues that had been sent out. As morbid as it might sound, I did an Internet search and found what I was afraid of: her obituary.
TIDBITS 1015
I received some questions about the photo-cartoon featured in the last edition of TIDBITS. A couple of readers have asked me to explain “the picture of the woman.”