My wife just found out the hard way that I replaced our bed with a trampoline.
She really hit the ceiling.
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But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!!
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Continue reading “TIDBITS 1044”
TIDBITS 1043
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man replied, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
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TIDBITS 1042
Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
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‘Tis better to keep quiet and be thought a fool,
than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
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TIDBITS 1041
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip!
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I hope the kids never figure out why I say “Oooops!” so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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TIDBITS 1040
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble!
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Always remember that a penny saved… is a government oversight!
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TIDBITS 1039
I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing.
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If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
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TIDBITS 1038
When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot.
That way people will visit more often.
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Have you heard about the new Korean cookbook?
It’s called, “101 Ways to WOK Your Dog.”
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Continue reading “TIDBITS 1038”
TIDBITS 1037
I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.
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Love is staying up all night with a sick child… or a healthy adult!
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TIDBITS 1036
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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Interviewer: “What is your greatest strength?”
Applicant: “I quickly and decisively make decisions when under pressure.”
Interviewer: “What’s your greatest weakness?”
Applicant: “I make awful decisions.”
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TIDBITS 1035
They say that change is hard.
I guess that’s true. After all, have you ever tried to bend a coin?
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The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
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Continue reading “TIDBITS 1035”