If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
______
Today’s Thought
“Remember: You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.” — Anonymous
______
“Little Johnny, why is your little sister crying?”
“Because I helped her.”
“That sounds like a good thing, not something to cry over. What did you help with?”
“I helped her eat her gummy bears.”
______
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”
______
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve strings here.”
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, “Hey, aren’t you a string?”
The string says, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”
<Click image to enlarge>
Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.
______
Two lawyers go into a restaurant and order two drinks. Then they take sandwiches out of their briefcases and start to eat.
The waiter says, “Hey, you can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”
So the lawyers trade sandwiches.
______
Quotable
“I just got a car, and I gotta say, this car is very cryptic. The very first day I drove it, a light came on out of nowhere: ‘Check engine.’ Could they be any more vague? What if a light came on and said, ‘Problem’?” – Arj Barker
______
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
______
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.
One of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.”
The dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”
Thanks. Keep up the good work!