The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble!
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Always remember that a penny saved… is a government oversight!
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The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back. “Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?”
“Not a bit,” the husband replied. “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”
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A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, “Grandpa, please make a frog noise.”
The Grandpa says, “No.”
The little boy goes on, “Please… please make a frog noise.”
The Grandpa says, “No, now go play.”
The little boy then says to his sister, “Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise.”
So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, “Please make a frog noise.”
The Grandpa says, “I just told your brother ‘no’ and I’m telling you ‘no’.”
The little girl says, “Please… please Grandpa make a frog noise.”
The Grandpa says, “Why do you want me to make a frog noise?”
The little girl replied, “Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!”
FEATURED VIDEO
TRUE FACTS
Everyone would have to admit that there are some pretty strange religions out there, and while we here at TIDBITS Central try avoid too much mockery of things that others hold extremely sacred, we feel we would be negligent in our duty as humorists if we didn’t point out a few of the really weird ones. (Apologies to any readers who do happen to somehow belong to one of the following.)
The Prince Philip Movement. Members of the Yaohnanen village on the island of Tanna believe that Prince Philip, husband to Queen Elizabeth, is the son of an earth spirit prophesied in their ancient legends. Learn more
The Church of Jediism. It is possible that you might actually know someone in this one, as it boasts nearly 200,000 members. [Editor’s note: Utah’s first Jedi priest is buried in the graveyard a block west of my home and his gravesite is actually marked on Google maps.] As the name implies, it is based on the Jedi Knights from the Star Wars movies and its adherents follow a Jedi Code to guide their conduct. Learn more
The Bullet Baba’s Motorbike. A shrine was built by villagers in Chotila, India where a motorcycle and a picture of its deceased owner are worshipped. Following a fatal crash, the motorcycle was taken into police custody, only to reappear again and again at the crash site, regardless of the steps taken to keep it locked up. Taken to be a miracle, prayers for safe travel are offered at the shrine. Learn more
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You heard about the referee that got fired?
Yeah, it turned out that he was a whistle blower!
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I couldn’t decide whether to go to Las Vegas or Los Angeles for my vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices.
“Airfare to Las Vegas is $300,” the cheery salesperson replied.
“And what about Los Angeles?”
“We have a really great rate to Los Angeles — $99,” she replied, “but there is a stopover.”
“Where?”
“In Las Vegas,” she said.
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A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city’s major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
“Yes?”
“Excuse me, sir,” the jogger said, “do you have the time?”
The man looked at the car clock and answered, “8:15.”
The jogger said thanks and left.
The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.
“Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?”
“8:25!”
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, “I do not know the time!” Once again he settled back to sleep.
He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.
“Sir, sir? It’s 8:45!”
