Many thanks to those who sent condolences upon learning about the passing of my sister (which I announced in our last issue since she had been a big supporter of my various humor emails over the years). A lot of what I know about humor I learned from her and her example from my very earliest years onward.
With this issue I eliminate the “Reader Comments” section in an attempt to further simplify my process. I do appreciate all the feedback, but I recognize that it is primarily intended for my eyes and not public consumption. That being said, I will still feature an occasional excerpt from a letter or two here in the introductory section, such as these comments from reader J:
“…You put out another great TIDBITS this week. Thank you for that! The frog joke caught me off guard totally. And the Happy video had me amazed at what can be done when creativity and talent are tested. I’m feeling Happy to be included in your joke list…. Please keep up the good work and thank you again.”
Remember, I gladly welcome reader submissions, so please forward your favorite jokes, quotes, links to videos and ideas for our weekly photo-cartoon.
As Charlie Chaplin said, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” Well, let’s not waste another second — here’s today’s helping of mirth and merriment.
Enjoy!
FUNNY PHOTO
INSPIRATION
“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” – Spencer Johnson
______
“If a task has once begun,
Never leave it till it’s done.
Be the labor great or small,
Do it well or not at all.”
– Anonymous
______
Not sure if this video belongs more as a “Funny Video” rather than as our Inspirational Video of the week, but I guarantee you’ll never think of AC/DC’s hard rock classic “Thunderstruck” in the same way again. This version gives me goosebumps!
HUMOR
A couple in their early seventies were discussing their future plans. The husband asked, “What will you do if I die before you?”
The wife thought for a moment before replying, “I will probably look to share a house with three other single or widowed women, maybe people a little younger than me since I am still active for my age.” She then asked, “What about you? What will you do if I die first?”
He smiled and answered, “Probably the same.”
______
True Fact:
The name for the shape of a Pringles potato chip is called a “Hyperbolic Paraboloid.”
Read more
______
I’ve decided I need to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not big enough or strong enough.
I’ve just handed in my Too Weak Notice.
______
Quotable:
“Of course I can keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t keep them.” – Anthony Haden-Guest
______
A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.”
The banker replied, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”
______
True Fact:
Betty White is actually older than sliced bread.
Read more
______
“May I take your order?” the waiter asked.
“Yes. I’m just wondering, how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special sir,” the waiter replied. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”
______
Quotable:
“I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.” – Former Vice President Dan Quayle
______
A blonde and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a flight from California to New York. The lawyer asked the blonde, “Would you like to play a fun game to pass the time?”
The blonde was tired and just wanted to take a nap. She politely declined and rolled over to the window to try and catch a few winks.
The lawyer persisted and explained that the game was easy and a lot of fun. “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.”
Again, she declined and tried to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, said, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
This caught the blonde’s attention, and figuring there would be no end to the torment unless she played, agreed to the game.
The lawyer asked the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The blonde didn’t say a word, reached into her purse, pulled out a $5.00 bill and handed it to the lawyer.
“Okay,” said the lawyer,” your turn.”
She asked the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”
The lawyer, puzzled, took out his laptop computer and searched all his references. No answer. Frustrated, he sent e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, but to no avail. After an hour, he woke the blonde from her nap and handed her $500.00.
The blonde said, “Thank you,” put her head on the pillow and went back to sleep.
The lawyer, who was more than a little miffed, woke the blonde again and asked, “Well, what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the blonde reached into her purse, handed the lawyer $5.00, and went back to sleep.
Keep laughing!