Beginning with this issue, I’m changing the formatting of TIDBITS slightly. Instead of separate sections for the True Facts and the Quotables, I will be including them in the Jokes section, which now bears the title “Humor.”
I will probably only feature one or two of each in an issue (instead of the previous three), and these bizarre facts and funny quotes will be mixed in between the jokes to break them up somewhat. I think this will improve the flow of the humor and will also simplify my process in creating each edition.
They say that laughter is the best medicine, and Dr. Trent is here to give you your weekly shot in the arm. Enjoy!
FUNNY PHOTO
INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS
Today’s issue of TIDBITS is dedicated to a reader who is no longer with us, someone who was an avid follower of the earlier run years ago. She used to print out the emails and put them in a binder to save all the jokes.
In spite of ill health, she has followed along as best she could with our new run, but cancer finally took her life this week.
She is also my sister. Rest in peace, Susan.
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Reader W quoted a sentiment on Facebook upon learning of my sister’s passing. I looked it up online to share here and believe that I have it attributed to the right author.
“When we are born, we cry while everyone around us smiles. When we die, we smile while everyone around us cries.” – Dr. Jose Mullen, MD(H)
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“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.'”
– Erma Bombeck
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I enjoy the music of the husband and wife duo known as Pomplamoose. Many of their music videos are wonderfully bizarre in their creativity (see our Funny Video section below for an example). Others are quiet and beautiful, like this one that I’ve selected for today’s Inspirational Video:
READER COMMENTS
Reader A replied to TIDBITS 1006 with the following:
“Keep up the funny business — I need all I can get right now. Your wit, creativity and content often take my woes away and remind me to be grateful for I have and what I have not. This world is an unfair and unjust place. To be reminded of people who are making a difference is inspirational and provides hope to those who may be suffering.”
HUMOR
A woman answered her front door and found two little boys standing there, holding a list.
“Lady,” one of them explained, “we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.”
“Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?”
“Our babysitter’s boyfriend.”
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True Fact:
Anne Frank, Martin Luther King Jr., and Barbara Walters were all born in the same year, 1929. Learn more
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Judy’s car wasn’t the most reliable in the world and she called her friend Amanda whenever it broke down and she needed a ride.
One day Amanda received another such call. “What happened this time?” she asked.
“My brakes went out. Can you come and get me?”
“Sure. Where are you?”
“I’m in the drugstore.”
“Where’s the car at?”
“In here with me.”
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Quotable:
“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.” – Hedy Lamarr
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Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties.
He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.
Panicked he started to pray, “God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I’ll stop being bad!”
Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, “God, please get my foot out and I’ll stop swearing AND being bad!”
Still nothing — his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train’s horn blared.
Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, “Thanks anyway God, I got it myself.”
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True Fact:
Honey does not spoil. You could feasibly eat 3000 year old honey. Learn more
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A playboy fell in love with a showgirl and lavished everything on her. He bought her expensive clothes, jewelry and even a new car. Then one day, he proposed.
The showgirl answered, “Me marry you? No way! Not the way you throw your money around!”
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Quotable:
“They misunderestimated me.” – George W. Bush
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A frog went into a bank, and hopped up on the desk of the loan officer. “Hi,” he croaked. “What’s your name?”
The woman looked at him in shock for a moment. Gathering her wits, she smiled and said, “My name is Patricia Black, but you can call me Patty if you like. How may I help you?”
“Well,” said the frog, “I’d like to borrow some money.”
Patty found this a little odd, but she got out a form. “Okay, first I need to know your name.”
The frog replied, “Kermit Jagger.”
“Really?” asked Patty. “Any relation to Mick Jagger?”
“Yeah, he’s my dad.”
“Hmmm,” responded Patty. “Do you have any collateral?”
The frog handed over a pink ceramic elephant and asked, “Will this do?”
Patty was dumbfounded, but replied, “Um, I’m not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.”
“Oh, tell him I said hi,” added the frog. “He knows me.”
Patty went back to the manager’s office and said, “Excuse me, sir, but there’s a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink… this pink… I’m not even sure what this thing is!”
The manager sighed softly and replied, “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan; his old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
FUNNY VIDEO
This may qualify more as a ‘fun’ than ‘funny’ video, but their creativity in staging this is really amazing. Here’s more from Pomplamoose:
Keep laughing!