Month: March 2018

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
______

Never read the fine print.

There ain’t no way you’re going to like it.
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1058 | Can’t Wait for a Haircut”

I’ve always wanted the world to beat a path to my door, and now it does!

But only when I’m in the bathroom.
______

Husband: “Let’s go out and have some fun tonight!”

Wife: “Okay, but if you get home before I do, please leave the hallway light on.”
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1057 | Stumpy’s Airplane Ride”

Always give one-hundred percent at everything you do.

Unless, of course, you are donating blood.
______

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

“In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: “Yeah, right.”
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1056 | Stories from Tech Support”

Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out!
______

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1055 | Out of the Mouths of Babes”