Month: February 2018

“I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off,” the blonde told her friend.

“So I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”
______

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it.

The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, “What now?”

The boy answered, “Now we run like crazy!”
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1054 | Police Quotes”

Just Wondering…

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
______

Quotable

“I got an odd-job man in. He was useless.

“Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.” — Stephen Grant
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1053 | Exercise Diary”

Don’t underestimate me. I know karate!

(I also know three other Japanese words.)
______

“I couldn’t afford to buy a house, so I decided to rob a bank,” one inmate said to another. “Now I’m all set.”

“You have the money stashed somewhere?” the other asked.

“Not exactly,” came the reply, “but the judge assured me that I wouldn’t have to worry about housing for the next 10 to 15 years.”
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1052 | Princess Frog”

These days, about half the stuff in my shopping cart say, “For fast relief.”
______

My mother said she doesn’t think of it as “getting hot flashes.”

She says she thinks of it as “her inner child playing with matches.”
______
Continue reading “TIDBITS 1051 | Scene of the Accident”