TIDBITS 1034

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

All it was doing was gathering dust.
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I’m so bright my mother calls me son.
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Bonus: Quotable

“The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.”
Air Force Truism
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An incompentent counterfeiter stayed up all night printing up his funny money, only to realize in the morning that he had spent all that time making $15 bills.

He figured that the only way he was going to get anything from this batch of money would be to find a place where people weren’t too bright and then change his phoney money for real cash.

He traveled some distance to a small, rural town and found a tiny Mom and Pop grocery store. He entered and went to the old man behind the counter and asked him, “Do you have change for a $15 bill?”

The old man grinned and replied, “I sure do. How would you like that? An eight and a seven, or two sixes and a three?”


FEATURED VIDEO

Editor: Moving forward, our weekly video will sometimes be a humorous one and sometimes a music video, like we used to regularly include. Please feel free to submit links to fun videos that you enjoy and they may be spotlighted here.


“This is your captain speaking. AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!”
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Bonus: True Fact

There are no bridges over the Amazon River.

Learn more
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A boy came home from grade school with a note from his teacher and sheepishly handed it to his mother. The note said, “Your son is a good and smart student, but he spends far too much time talking to girls.”

The mother sent a note back to the teacher the following day. It said, “Please advise a solution. His father has the same problem.”
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One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he boarded he said to the conductor, “Sir, I really need you to do me a favor: I have to get off of this train in Mannheim, but I’m very tired and I’m certain that I will fall asleep. So I need you to wake me up as we get to Mannheim because I have to close a business deal there and it is very important.

“There is a catch that I have to warn you about. Sometimes when people wake me up I am confused and get really contentious and argumentative and even occasionally a little violent. But no matter what I do or say you have got to get me off of this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?” He then quickly added, “Here is a tip of 100 Euros if you will agree to do this.”

The conductor agreed and took the 100 Euros. Soon after, just as he had predicted, the man drifted off to a deep sleep. After a nice dream, he began to open his eyes as he felt the train pull into a station. He then shot up wide awake when he glanced out the window and realized that he was in Frankfurt.

Furious, he ran over to the conductor and started yelling at him. “Are you stupid or something?!? I paid you 100 Euros to wake me up in Mannheim. Now I’ve probably lost my business deal! I demand you return the money I gave you!”

Two other passengers were sitting together further down the car and saw him yelling at the conductor. One of the men turned to the other and said, “Check out that guy! He sure is mad!”

The second man replied, “Yeah, he’s almost as mad as the guy they made get off of the train in Mannheim.”


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