Category Archives: TIDBITS

TIDBITS 1036

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job. But when I got home, all the signs were there. ______ Interviewer: “What is your greatest strength?” Applicant: “I quickly and decisively make decisions when under pressure.” … Continue reading

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1035

They say that change is hard. I guess that’s true. After all, have you ever tried to bend a coin? ______ The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense. ______

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1034

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust. ______ I’m so bright my mother calls me son. ______

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1033

I never give up on my dreams! (I just¬†keep sleeping until I’m late for work.) ______ A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a … Continue reading

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1032

I’ve just written a song about a tortilla. Although, now that I think about it, it’s actually more of a rap. ______ Wife:¬†Whatcha doing? Me: Nothing. Wife: You did that yesterday. Me: I wasn’t finished. ______

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1031

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One weighs a ton, the other is a little lighter. ______ My eyelids must be really sexy. I just can’t keep my eyes off them! ______

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1030

A father was washing the car with his young son. After a while the boy asked, “Dad, can we use a sponge now?” ______ Did you hear about the psychic amnesiac? He knew in advance what he was going to … Continue reading

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1029

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. ______ The menu said “Breakfast any time,” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. ______

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1028

I recently ordered a thesaurus online and when it arrived it was blank. I literally have no words to describe how angry I am. ______ A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old woman. “And what do you think is the … Continue reading

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment

TIDBITS 1027

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off! ______ Tech-savvy man to his aged father: “I don’t think you even know what a hard drive is.” Aged father: “I’ve driven … Continue reading

Posted in TIDBITS | Leave a comment